Despite the common misconception, couples therapy isn’t just for “saving” a relationship—though it can be. You, as the couple, get to choose what the goal is even though this may change as you learn how to communicate and cooperate with each other. But even if you go into therapy knowing what you want to accomplish, how do you know if it’s working?
There’s a lot of science that backs the methods that therapists use to guide their clients. By investigating research findings and therapeutic techniques, we can identify the key elements of effective couples therapy, such as communication skills, conflict resolution strategies, and emotional regulation techniques.
Let’s see why couples therapy works the way it does.
The Science Behind the Brain
To understand how couples therapy is backed by science, let’s look at how the brain works. It is highly complex; for example, the brain is home to more than 100 billion neurons, which is about half the total number of stars in the entire Milky Way!
The brain is the driver behind the decisions you and your partner make. And, the different types of choices and behaviors start in different parts of the brain, which makes the way that it contributes to relationship dynamics specifically nuanced.
So, a therapist might spend time teaching you how to tell the difference between the rational and emotional parts of yourself. That way, you can recognize which one you are operating with when you begin to feel a certain way or respond in a situation.
The Neocortex and Limbic Systems
The rational, analysis-forward area of the brain is called the neocortex. This is the part that enables you to drive a car or walk down the sidewalk. Lots of quick, split-second decisions about your motor functions, methods for doing things, and baseline or even subconscious actions happen here.
Compare this to the limbic system, which is the emotional center of the brain. This is where emotions, such as fear and anger, come from. Often, people are only primarily using one part of the brain at a time—which is why couples therapy based on science can be so successful!
We understand and can educate that when you or your partner is having an emotional reaction (to news, a behavior, etc.), the logical, analytical part of the brain isn’t fully participating at that moment.
Communication Skills
With this understanding of the brain, couples therapy can then center on developing good communication skills from a science-backed perspective. For instance, good communication has been shown to improve relationship satisfaction on a chemical level inside the brain.
When a person feels like they’re being heard and understood, they experience the release of dopamine and other neurotransmitters that signal the pleasure part of the brain. These can also help with bonding.
One of the ways a therapist does this is by providing a safe space for people to talk, as well as guiding the conversation to limit emotional responses. This helps both participants speak truthfully and completely about what’s on their minds. It also enables their partner to actively listen to them and hear them, which is the basis for learning and improving.
Conflict Resolution Strategies
When a person believes that they are involved in a conflict, the part of the brain called the amygdala activates. Unfortunately, the amygdala can’t tell the difference between being chased by a bear and your partner being upset with you—it releases adrenaline and cortisol (the stress hormone) either way.
These hormones boost the heart rate and prepare the body to survive, shutting down the rational part of the brain in favor of other parts that make quick, split-second survival decisions. This isn’t a good state to be in when you want to have a conversation with your partner.
Couples therapy helps to cut off this process allowing each partner to regulate their emotions, develop empathy, and make choices they’re proud of. When a conflict is resolved positively, the brain gets a hit of dopamine (the happy chemical)—so, practicing conflict resolution can train the brain to get better at it and even crave it.
Reliance on Each Other
Couples therapy finds success when partners learn to rely on each other, not the therapist, for support and resolution. Therapists can encourage this behavior through simple actions, such as having each person face the other when speaking.
Studies show that the simple action of looking in your partner’s eyes can create more empathy and help you listen and hear better. This, in turn, fosters an “us vs. the problem” mindset, rather than a “me vs. you” outlook. When couples approach a problem as a team, they can solve their problems more effectively and with less anger or resentment.
Explore Couples Therapy to Find Relationship Success
Couples therapy isn’t an opportunity for two people to air their grievances and wait for a professional to solve their problems. Instead, it’s a way for you and your partner to use science to positively impact your relationship by working together, understanding your vulnerabilities, and practicing skills that you can take with you for life.
The experts at Village Counseling are always happy to help couples develop relationship skills that can lead to success using science-backed techniques and strategies. Contact Village Counseling to try couples therapy for yourself.