People in LGBTQIA+ relationships often face uphill battles just to live the same lives that cishet people take for granted. Unfortunately, many LGBTQIA+ relationships fall into the same pitfalls that can plague any partnership—including betrayal, cheating, and trust issues.
Are you currently finding it hard to heal from betrayal and rebuild trust with your partner? If so, LGBTQIA+ therapy can be a great place to start. A relationship isn’t doomed just because one or more of the people in it made a mistake or hurt someone.
If both parties want the relationship to continue, there are some things they can do to heal and strengthen their bond so they don’t face the same challenges in the future. Here’s what to keep in mind.
A History of Rejection
Anybody in any relationship can face rejection and betrayal, but LGBTQIA+ individuals are often already in a more tenuous situation when it comes to rejection. They might have to hide their relationship from others in their family, friend, and work groups, or they may not even be able to authentically be themselves most of the time.
Coupled with past rejections from family, friends, and society at large, many LGBTQIA+ individuals are already coming into relationships with a history of hurt at a large scale.
Why Societal Pressures Matter
This hurt and pain can influence how a couple navigates betrayal and harm later. While it is possible to rebuild trust, it’s important for you to remember that both of you need to stay accountable to yourselves, too.
If you were the one who made a mistake, own it and take proactive steps to learn how to do better. If you were on the receiving end of the betrayal, it can be helpful to work with a therapist to practice how to make space for renewed trust without becoming a doormat.
Understanding Betrayal and Its Consequences
In a relationship, betrayal can happen in a variety of ways. Some of the common actions that can lead you or your partner to feeling betrayed include:
- Cheating
- Repeatedly breaking promises (even small ones)
- Financial infidelity, like hiding bank accounts or secretly spending and gambling
- Unequal attention (you care for your partner when they’re sick, but they don’t care for you when you’re sick)
- Negging
- Behaving differently in public versus in private
- Disrespect
- Not standing up for your partner
When you betray your partner in any of these (or other) ways, a couple important things happen.
Relationship fluidity – Relationships are made of the sum of their parts. Frequent small betrayals or a large betrayal can create an overarching trend that weakens the relationship as a whole.
Trust issues – When your partner sees that your actions or words are not consistent with what they expect from a loving and compatible relationship, their trust in you may begin to wane.
Precedent – It’s easier to betray someone if they have already betrayed you, or if you have a history of doing so to them. This creates negative feedback patterns in the relationship that can be difficult to break out of.
How Relationships Heal Through Therapy
LGBTQIA+ therapy is a valuable tool to learn how to heal from betrayal and rebuild trust. Some of the ways a therapist might help you and your partner reach stability and trust again include:
- Identifying problematic behaviors that don’t contribute to trust – Things like being emotionally withdrawn, refusing to communicate, or being overly controlling are behaviors that need to be addressed first before trust can be reestablished.
- Stopping feedback loops – Once trust is broken, it can be difficult to break out of defensive cycles (such as consistently interrogating your partner or refusing to share information you otherwise would have before the betrayal). A therapist can help you learn to communicate safely and avoid spiraling.
- Defining the rules – Most betrayals happen because of a violation of a set of rules, either spoken or unspoken. Redefining these rules clearly and having each party agree to them sets the basis for a new, stronger approach.
- Taking responsibility – A person’s behaviors are their own, and they need to take responsibility for them. This can be a challenging process, and therapists can help to tease out all the contributors to an action so you or your partner can see why they made the choice they made and how to stop it from happening again—without deflecting blame.
With a commitment to effort in a safe and welcoming space, you and your partner can gain the emotional resilience to rebuild trust and make a deeper connection for a healthier relationship.
Rebuild Trust through LGBTQIA+ Therapy
Relationships of all shapes and sizes take practice, but for LGBTQIA+ couples, finding a therapist that is affirming and safe to trust with their challenges is an added hurdle. The expert team at Village Counseling is always eager to welcome our LGBTQIA+ patients so we can help them thrive and live authentically.
Contact Village Counseling to explore therapy options to heal from betrayal and rebuild trust in your LGBTQIA+ relationship.