Couples therapy can serve multiple purposes, from creating a safe space to discuss challenging topics to developing new strategies for strengthening the relationship and overcoming disputes. One common issue that many couples face and bring to therapy is sexual dissatisfaction.
It is normal for sexual interest to wax and wane over the course of a relationship, seeing both periods of high engagement and times when one or both parties’ interests decline. This cycle may repeat frequently or arise as a long stretch of changes in intimate connection. While each couple is different, most agree that sexual dissatisfaction is one of the most nefarious underlying drivers of stress and emotional disconnect.
However, couples therapy can help each partner focus on open communication, emotional intimacy, and being aware of needs and expectations. By reframing the issue, couples can overcome their sexual challenges and enjoy a revitalized, intimate connection, both physically and otherwise!
Comprehending Sexual Dissatisfaction
Sexual dissatisfaction in a relationship can take many forms. For some, the quality of the intimate encounters is not what they expect; they may complain of a decline in enjoyment or a feeling that the duration of the intimacy is not aligned with their needs.
For others, the frequency of intimate activities is misaligned with their comfort level. While the stereotypical challenge for couples is that there is not enough intimacy, many pairs struggle with mismatched libidos that push one partner to engage more often than they otherwise would.
Sexual dissatisfaction and its resulting challenges are just as unique as each couple. This is why couples therapy is so beneficial! It does not use a cookie-cutter approach but adapts its guidance to align with the couple’s needs.
Addressing Sexual Needs
While sexual contact is never a mandatory part of a relationship, it often forms an essential foundation for many couples. Some of the first considerations when addressing a mismatch in sexual needs and desires include:
Open Communication
Are both partners communicating? Communication is a two-way street; the one who feels dissatisfied should be clear and honest about what is causing their lack of enjoyment. Similarly, the other partner should be willing to listen and respond with their own perspective. Were they unaware of the effects their behavior was having on their partner? Do they feel that their partner’s expectations are not feasible?
Emotional Intimacy
Before physical intimacy can be a strong and foundational element of a close relationship, partners must build emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy comprises strong interpersonal connections, a willingness to be vulnerable, trust, empathy, and a secure attachment that does not fear the other partner’s response.
Emotional intimacy looks different for each couple. However, without the security and vulnerability that such a connection provides, many couples may find it difficult to connect in meaningful ways during intimacy. This can lead to dissatisfaction whose origin couples may not immediately be able to identify.
Comprehending Expectations and Needs
For some couples, the challenge in intimacy comes from a disagreement about what is expected or necessary. For instance, does one partner expect sexual contact once per day and feels their partner is falling short for not agreeing? Determining whether this expectation is reasonable and that it exists in the first place is a good starting point for uncovering why one or both partners are dissatisfied.
Expectations can range broadly. From frequency to included activities and even how partners approach each other with their bid to connect, agreements and needs should be clear to both parties.
Approaching Without Judgment
When one member of a couple learns that their partner is unhappy, the easiest response is often to become judgmental or defensive. However, it is essential to approach sexual dissatisfaction with openness and a willingness to hear both sides of the story.
No issue can be resolved if both sides do not understand the problem and why it is causing feelings of hurt, resentment, sadness, or unhappiness. Use couples therapy as a safe space to voice concerns and, in turn, discuss the issue from both sides.
Revitalize Your Sex Life With Couples Therapy
Sex may change in frequency, quality, and content throughout a couple’s relationship, which is entirely normal. However, suppose one or both partners feel their needs are not being met. In that case, it is essential to communicate this openly before resentment festers.
A couples therapist can help you pinpoint what behaviors are causing the upset and how both partners can fix them. Contact Village Counseling today to schedule your couples therapy appointment!