For many couples, the revelation that one partner is struggling with porn use comes as a shock and a porn addiction can destroy even long-standing relationships. It can even feel like betrayal, shattering the trust that partners shared. However, rebuilding trust and intimacy through couples therapy is possible, but both partners must be willing to confront the porn addiction directly and consistently.
Recovery takes time and intentional effort from everyone involved—not just the individual struggling with the addiction. Couples therapy can help rebuild trust and intimacy when confronting porn addiction. Learning effective communication techniques, addressing underlying issues, and exploring therapeutic strategies can begin the healing and strengthening of your relationship.
A couples therapist can help both of you return to a relationship built on honesty, commitment, and intimacy.
Communication After Addiction
Once a porn addiction is uncovered, both partners will likely be in emotionally challenging places. It is wise to seek individual therapy at this stage to help rebuild the initial communication channels on which the rest of recovery will be based. During this early stage and continuing through recovery and beyond, good practices include:
Increased openness
Betrayal is a common emotion tied to pornography addiction. A partner may feel that they have been lied to and can no longer trust the individual who was consuming pornographic material, because this significant part of their life was completely hidden. Therapy can help each party to increase their honesty with each other, as well as their receptiveness.
Going forward, this may include having the addicted partner be transparent with their internet usage and removing passwords on their personal devices. It can also mean being vulnerable to their partner when temptation arises, creating the desire to return to the addictive behavior.
Accountability strategies
Any recovery from addiction will benefit from having accountability strategies in place. For pornography addiction, many users find it helpful to recruit trusted friends or even professionals to serve as accountability partners as they establish new routines away from pornography.
Underlying Issues
Contrary to the previously held belief that addictions are a result of the brain’s dependence on chemicals within a substance, new research has indicated that any activity that feeds the brain’s reward sector can lead to addictive behavior. Many underlying issues can exacerbate how responsive the brain is to such stimuli, and to see true recovery, addicts will need to address these latent issues as well.
Co-occurring mental health challenges
It is common for addictive behaviors to be tied to other challenges, such as anxiety and depression. A person may seek pornography as an escape from anxiety about their lives or as a means of coping with depression or anger. By addressing the comorbid mental diagnosis, addiction recovery can be improved.
External factors
In addition to mental health challenges, many people who turn to pornography are also experiencing external stressors driving their behavior. This may include relationship difficulties, stress at work, or family pressure. A couples therapist can help to pinpoint these vulnerabilities and develop strategies for one or both partners to address them.
Strategies in Couples Therapy
Couples therapy is a powerful tool to rebuild a relationship after porn addiction. Some of the strategies that see the greatest success during this process include:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
For the person struggling with addiction, CBT can help to reframe behaviors based on emotions and thoughts. For instance, if a person was turning to pornography as a way to soothe their fear of being alone, CBT can help them identify whether that fear is based in reality and what other activities more productively provide comfort.
Talk therapy and processing
For the partner who feels betrayed by their loved one’s porn addiction, talk therapy is invaluable to help them process their emotions. This supports them in approaching recovery with an open mind rather than resentment.
Reprogramming intimacy and connection
After pornography, couples will likely need to rediscover their sense of connection, safety, and desire, which takes time, practice, and guidance. A couples therapist can assist both partners with reprogramming their concepts of intimacy and connection.
Setting new boundaries and expectations
Boundaries are an essential part of any healthy relationship; both partners should be prepared to establish and accept some new expectations after pornography addiction. This may include rules on the use of personal devices, accountability strategies, and hard limits on what is and is not acceptable to view or engage with online.
A couples therapist can help each partner create boundaries that are reasonable and assist the other partner in developing habits that support those expectations in a respectful way.
Try Couples Therapy to Rebuild After Porn Addiction
A porn addiction can present a significant challenge in a relationship, but it does not need to the end of one. The experts at Village Counseling have helped couples rebuild from porn addiction and other relationship events to create a bond that is stronger than ever. Contact Village Counseling to sign up for couples therapy today.