Relationships are inescapable—from friends and family to coworkers and partners or spouses, most people spend at least some of their day navigating relationships. Among these, most people hold their relationship with their significant other in the highest regard.
Couples face unique challenges in their relationships that other social dynamics don’t, and understanding how each person approaches challenges, addresses defeats, and thinks about conflict can create a stronger relationship based on a solid foundation.
Here’s how to identify your relationship dynamics using couples therapy.
The Role of Couples Therapy
Couples therapy is widely considered to be a valuable resource for relationships that are struggling. In reality, couples therapy is useful for anyone in a relationship, even if there are no pressing problems.
Many people are hesitant to go to therapy as a couple because they do not believe they are in “dire straits”—but there is nothing to be ashamed of!
Just like a person studies and practices to become good at their job, couples counseling is a place to learn, grow, and “study” how to be in a successful relationship, no matter what stage your relationship is currently in or whether you are currently facing conflict.
Therapists can help couples to identify their relationship dynamics—that is, the patterns of behavior that arise over time when people settle into a routine of how they treat each other.
This includes how people communicate, spend time together and apart, and view each other’s struggles and successes.
Couples therapy is useful because it can shine light on these dynamics, which may not have been obvious to the couple themselves. In turn, by recognizing these patterns, a couple can enjoy a safe space to explore them, identify what they like, and mold new habits to replace those that are not productive.
Signs of Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics
During couples therapy, a therapist may be able to help partners identify unhealthy relationship dynamics that could threaten the longevity of the union or do harm to the people in it.
For instance, a therapist can pay attention to how each person responds to the other’s statements; if one partner feels constantly criticized, even when they are being spoken to neutrally, this can be a red flag the therapist can help them to work through.
Many couples struggle to identify unhealthy relationship dynamics because they have gotten used to the patterns and behaviors that define their relationship.
Some of the most common unhealthy dynamics include gaslighting, when one partner uses manipulation to make the other partner constantly doubt themselves and their memories, and controlling behavior such as intimate coercion, isolation from friends, or preventing one partner for speaking or acting for themselves. These issues cannot be fixed until the people involved become aware of them!
Steps to Identify Relationship Dynamics
In order to help couples identify the dynamics that influence their relationship, therapists can perform numerous activities. Therapy often involves more than just talking, though reflective exercises using conversation are some of the most common.
In these situations, the therapist asks one or both people to consider an element of the relationship, a situation, or a hypothetical, using it as a springboard for productive discussion.
However, couples therapy can also involve journaling, exploring the timeline of the relationship and how it has grown, and mindfulness techniques.
Therapists assist couples in communicating openly with each other by serving as mediators and facilitators. They can help make ideas clearer and offer guidance about how to approach difficult topics in a safe space.
Strategies for Healthy Relationship Dynamics
Couples seeking long-term success need to not only nip problematic behaviors in the bud but also foster healthy relationship dynamics. These include effective communication skills, strong and respected boundaries, empathy, understanding, and emotional regulation.
For instance, therapy is a great place to practice using communication skills to address potentially uncomfortable topics in a positive way. The therapist can point out futile or negative thought patterns early, so that each partner can see and understand their shortcomings in order to grow.
Similarly, few places are as effective for emotional regulation as a therapist’s office. When emotions become strong, such as anger at a partner’s accusation, the therapist can help to break apart that emotion—what part of the other person’s statement made you feel this way?
Is this feeling justified? What can you do to address the situation maturely, without relying on emotional triggers?
Try Couples Therapy to Increase Relationship Understanding
The dynamics of each relationship are just as unique as the people in that relationship, which means that there is no cookie-cutter solution for overcoming difficulties and setting up a long-lasting partnership.
The best way to thrive as a couple is to cultivate healthy dynamics while mitigating problematic behaviors that make the other partner feel unheard, unseen, or unsafe. That’s why couples therapy is an investment in your relationship, not just a way to fix things that already seem challenging.
The experienced team at Village Counseling is made up of licensed professional therapists who are proud to help couples flourish over the long term. Contact Village Counseling to set up a couples therapy appointment, whether you are currently facing a challenge or simply want to set yourselves up for success.