Now more than ever before, non-monogamous relationships such as open relationships and polyamory are becoming more mainstream. Factors such as decreased societal stigma and online access to meet more people are contributing factors alongside a desire to meet needs that are not being fulfilled in a current monogamous relationship.
However, non-monogamous relationships pose challenges that are not found in monogamous coupling, and individual therapy can be an invaluable resource in overcoming these difficulties. While many people associate problems in non-monogamous relationships with cheating or one partner suddenly requesting to open the relationship, even those who enthusiastically consent to non-monogamy from the beginning can face conflict with their partners.
Here are some of the ways in which individual therapy can help to lay a foundation of success for non-monogamous groupings.
To Discover the Underlying Drivers
When someone is considering a non-monogamous relationship, either before engaging with another person or in the midst of an existing bond, they may not yet be sure of whether they should take the plunge. Individual therapy is invaluable at this stage, as it provides a place for exploration into the feelings, motivations, and concerns that underpin a person’s choice to pursue non-monogamy.
For instance, some people may be considering opening a relationship because their sexual needs are not being met in their current partnership. However, a therapist can help that individual discover whether the issue can be fixed within the current realtionship (and how), or they may help them cope after one partner tries non-monogamy and discovers that they are uncomfortable with the idea after all. Therapists help clients see the consequences of non-monogamy from all sides before they commit.
To Clarify Desires and Goals
Once all involved are on the same page about non-monogamy, therapy does not stop being useful. The therapist’s office is a safe space for self-discovery, which is essential for success in non-monogamous relationships. What are the parties’ desires and goals? What concerns do they have, and how do they plan to manage them?
A therapist can provide insight into the thought processes and worldviews that may be driving a group’s desire to commit to non-monogamy. By better understanding themselves, individuals can become better partners for all those with whom they form a relationship.
To Develop Healthy Habits
Once a non-monogamous relationship is established, it can quickly fall apart again if all parties involved do not engage in healthy habits. Communication breakdown is common, with parties feeling that they are not being heard or that one partner is receiving all the attention.
Similarly, boundaries are non-negotiable for non-monogamous relationships. Some common boundaries that may be helpful in creating a strong, respectful bond between all parties include:
- How often partners can meet inside or outside the home
- Whether permission needs to be asked to bring people into the home or be intimate in a shared space
- How money is spent on gifts or activities across multiple partners
Every relationship is unique; one person in one relationship may require a boundary that they will not accept their partner having sex with someone in their bed. Another may have no problem with this arrangement but might require that at least two nights per week are spent at home with them to keep the time commitment even among partners. A therapist can help a person identify which boundaries are important to them and frame them in a way that is fair and clear.
To Manage Emotional Turmoil
Even non-monogamous relationships in which everyone is happy and enthusiastic can encounter emotional turmoil. Jealousy is extremely common, and it does not necessarily indicate any fundamental problem with the relationship. However, it does need to be addressed before it evolves into resentment.
A therapist is a partner throughout this process. Often, therapists assist individuals with identifying the behaviors or words that are triggering their jealousy and which fears or insecurities are coming to the surface as a result.
That person can then begin to address the underlying driver of the jealousy—simultaneously improving their relationship with themselves and eliminating some or all of the jealous behavior or thoughts. This, in turn, leads to a healthier dynamic with other partners.
Try Individual Therapy Throughout a Relationship
Non-monogamous relationships can be enriching and fulfilling, but they are not necessarily easy. In fact, the challenges presented by non-monogamy can lead even strong relationships to falter. If you are considering a non-monogamous relationship and want to start off on the right foot, or if you are already in such a relationship and need some guidance, individual therapy can be the right fit.
The professionals at Village Counseling can help all parties in a non-monogamous relationship find the healthiest ways to engage with each other so that everyone’s needs are met. Contact Village Counseling to schedule your individual therapy appointment.