Each person who makes up a couple brings unique perspectives, strengths, and challenges to a relationship. When one of those partners exhibits narcissistic traits, the other partner may struggle more frequently in the relationship. While narcissism is a challenging personality disorder to overcome, couples can still create a functional relationship with the assistance of an outside professional, such as a therapist in couples therapy.
For those wondering if couples therapy could help, the short answer is yes; it is possible for a narcissistic partner to change through couples therapy. They can become more aware of the impact of their actions and decisions, and the therapist can equip both partners with additional tools to navigate the relationship.
This takes significant effort, and studies show that early termination of therapy, resistance to authentic participation, and attempts to control the conversation are common during sessions with a narcissistic individual.
What Narcissism Means
An individual who is classed as “narcissistic” may be one who has been diagnosed with NPD, or narcissistic personality disorder. Alternatively, a person who demonstrates consistent narcissistic traits may also struggle with narcissism without a full NPD diagnosis.
Narcissistic traits place heavy emphasis on the individual—for attention, for authority, and for value. Narcissists are more likely than others to:
- Feel or act entitled
- Fail to empathize with others
- Exploit or overmanage others for their own gain
- Control even minor elements of a relationship
- Fail to respect boundaries
- Seek attention
- Respond negatively to criticism
Narcissistic behavior manifests differently in each individual, and it may be that only some of their traits cause relationship strain. For the other partner, being in the relationship may become difficult, as it is common for the partner with NPD to lay the full blame for the relationship’s struggles on the non-narcissistic individual.
Steps Partners Can Take to Mitigate Damage
In addition to (and often as an attempt before therapy), the non-narcissistic partner may begin to develop their own strategies for how to mitigate the harm that the narcissistic individual is causing in the relationship. Some effective methods include:
- Setting boundaries – An individual with narcissistic traits often attempts to control situations and people or create scenarios that are only beneficial to them. A partner may need to set firm boundaries about what is and is not acceptable in the relationship and stand strong when the narcissist pushes against these walls to see how far they bend.
- Refusing to engage – Nagging, blaming, and other discouraging talk is common in narcissistic relationships. A partner may choose not to engage with these comments. For instance, if the narcissistic partner says, “I can’t believe you didn’t buy [x] brand! You never do anything right,” it is all right to say, “I am satisfied that I did the right thing” instead of offering an extensive apology.
- Not giving it all – Narcissism can draw out significant emotional energy from the other partner. It is wise not to divest oneself fully of their emotional energy to please a narcissist. There is no requirement to meet the narcissist’s every need, especially at the cost of one’s own needs and even wants.
How Couples Therapy Helps a Narcissistic Partner
Working with a therapist can equip both partners with the tools they need to more successfully stay in a relationship together. Potential benefits include:
- Safety for discussion – It can be difficult to communicate with a narcissistic partner when the couple is alone. Therapy provides a safe location for each individual to air grievances and express their thoughts with supervision and guidance from a professional.
- Collaboration – Another role that therapists serve in narcissistic relationships is to facilitate collaboration. They can help partners work together to create boundaries that are reasonable and easily understood, as well as potential consequences for violating those boundaries. They can also work with both partners to determine what actions can help to lead to the success of the relationship and which ones are deal-breakers.
- Accountability – It is common for narcissistic partners to slip back into old habits. Therapy provides an avenue of accountability, allowing the relationship to develop new routines by creating consequences for repeated narcissistic tendencies that sabotage the success of the couple’s goals.
Seek Change Through Couples Therapy
Couples therapy is one option for working through narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder. While many couples will continue to struggle with this element of their relationship for years, it is possible to see improvements if both people approach the issue with intentionality.
The experts at Village Counseling can offer couples therapy for partners dealing with issues arising from narcissistic traits. Contact Village Counseling to schedule your couples therapy appointment or consider individual therapy for the person with narcissism, as studies show it can be effective.