Viewing pornography has become a common phenomenon. In fact, as many as 90% of people have watched porn, and every second, more than 28,000 people are viewing pornographic content. Of those who have watched such content, about 11% self-report being addicted; however, the actual number appears closer to one in six.
If your partner’s behavior has changed over time, it’s reasonable to wonder if they, too, have become addicted to porn and whether couples therapy might be necessary. Broaching this topic with someone you love can be challenging, which is why many people rely on the experience of a therapist to moderate the discussion. Before seeking counseling, it’s important to recognize the common signs of porn addiction in relationships, including secrecy and withdrawal.
Here’s what you need to know about porn addiction and how to address it.
Signs of a Porn Addiction
Porn addiction has many facets and affects both men and women. Common signs that your partner may be addicted to pornography include:
Secrecy
Most people who are addicted to pornography subconsciously understand that their behavior would be problematic if their partner found out. As a result, those struggling with addiction often become secretive, such as hiding their phone screen from their partner or suddenly adding password protection to their devices. When asked about their online behavior, they may become defensive or evasive. They may also refuse to let their partner use their mobile device or computer.
Decreased Sexual Engagement
Consistent sexual activity leads to desensitization and fatigue, which can have real-life consequences. If your partner is no longer actively engaged in bed or other forms of intimacy, or seems distracted, bored, or uninterested, they could be expending their sexual energy elsewhere through their porn addiction.
Decreased sexual engagement can arise not only in how their body physically responds, with men having increased difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection, but also the emotional connection. Those addicted to porn may gradually reduce their sexual advances.
Changes in Daily Habits and Responsibilities
Addictions of any type become problematic, in part, because they begin to interfere with a person’s normal life. If your partner struggles to manage their responsibilities or find time for important tasks, this could signal an unhealthy dependence on porn.
Their daily habits may shift to accommodate more porn viewing, and they may spend more time alone than before. Longer bathroom breaks, earlier bedtimes, or getting up before their alarm are some possibilities.
Escalation
Pornography does not represent genuine relationships, and the behaviors depicted often do not align with what most people are comfortable with or enjoy. A partner who gradually escalates their sexual behavior may be trying to replicate the experiences they see in videos.
This might include handling their partner more roughly or suggesting (or attempting without consent) new behaviors that do not align with their partner’s comfort level or desires.
How to Approach Your Partner About Addiction
Having an honest conversation with your partner about their porn habits can be difficult, but it’s necessary for preserving the strength of your relationship. Bring up the topic gently and without accusation. Focus on how their lifestyle changes have impacted you, not judgment about their behavior.
Instead of “I think you watching porn is gross,” consider “I feel less connected to you when you spend time on porn; I miss you and would love to reconnect.”
For your partner to overcome their porn addiction, they must take steps toward recovery. You cannot force them. Working with a therapist is often helpful because it provides a safe, non-judgmental space for you to express your feelings and for your partner to explore the root of their addiction and begin recovery.
Remember, pornography triggers the pleasure and reward centers of the brain, reinforcing the behavior. Like other addictions, pornography addiction is both a physical dependence and a mental craving—not a reflection of a person’s moral character. Approach the conversation with empathy and consider seeking professional support to create a strategy for overcoming the addiction.
Try Therapy to Overcome Porn Addiction Through Couples Therapy
If you suspect your partner may be addicted to porn, you’re likely noticing ripple effects in other areas of your relationship. The therapists at Village Counseling can help you and your partner work through this challenging phase of your relationship without compromising your boundaries. Contact Village Counseling today to set up a couples therapy appointment.