Depression is one of those insidious things that can creep in, take hold, and bring our lives to a crashing halt…without us even realizing it’s happening. It’s not always obvious that a symptom here and there could be leading to something more dangerous, but you might be able to spot things before they become too much if you’re on the lookout.
1. YOU FEEL HOPELESS
Feeling hopeless can mean different things. Often, you don’t look forward to things that are otherwise pleasant, like vacations or special events. You might start assuming the worst will always happen and it’ll be harder to stay optimistic when things go awry. At the extreme, you might feel like most things just aren’t worth doing anymore.
Feeling this way every so often is pretty normal; we all have these kinds of existential crises from time to time. When you start feeling this way most days and for a long time, then something isn’t right.
2. YOUR APPETITE CHANGES (MAYBE A LOT)
Many factors can change your appetite, from exercise to fatigue to different illnesses. Being more or less hungry is a normal response to normal changes in life. But if you find yourself eating way too much or way too little, every day and for months at a time, that’s a big cause for concern.
When depression leads to eating too much, often you’ll feel cravings for high carb/high sugar foods. These increase your serotonin levels (often too low in people with depression) and make you feel soothed. It also leads to a ton of extra calories, weight gain, and other potential health concerns like diabetes.
On the other hand, the depressed feelings could fill your mind up so much that you no longer feel much of anything else, including hunger. Sometimes this can include gastrointestinal problems like nausea, diarrhea, or abdominal pain which can all reduce appetite. Eating too little leads to unhealthy weight loss, problems with how your organs function, and even death at the extreme.
3. YOU FEEL FATIGUED WAY TOO MUCH
Life is tiring and that’s okay! Work, school, kids, hobbies, exercise, and everything else you do during the day takes time and energy. That’s normal!
But what about when you’re tired and you haven’t really done … anything?
That kind of fatigue is a hallmark of depression and being tired just from existing is a bad sign. You might feel like everything is too hard, including stuff at work or at home. This can even spread to things that you normally really enjoy and that make (used to make?) you feel energized!
4. YOU KEEP FEELING ANGRY OR IRRITABLE
A lot of people see depression symptoms as being sluggish, slow, sleepy, etc. and in many cases that’s true. Especially in men (and, yes, also in women) depression can look like being angry for little to no reason. It can be irritability at things that happen to you normally, but that suddenly feel overly personal, extra annoying, or even downright aggressive.
The key, here, is how far-reaching this feeling goes. Someone suffering from depression might find that just about everyone and everything irks their nerves at least a little. There’s a good chance it will be a confusing sensation and that, logically, you won’t be able to really come up with a solid reason for what bothers you. It just does, okay?!
5. YOUR SEX DRIVE IS OUT OF SYNC
This one is one of the more individual things to watch for since it varies a lot between people. Not everyone even has a sex drive, to begin with, so if you’re normally asexual, you can skip ahead! Otherwise, you’re looking for a big, unexplained change in things.
Someone with a low libido might suddenly become obsessed with sex, wanting it all the time. Yeah, some people might see this as a good thing, especially if your partner has a higher drive than you, but what’s the feeling driving the new urges? If you find yourself using sex to feel better about yourself, life, and the universe in general, then you might be coping by copulating.
The other side of the coin can see someone with a naturally high libido unexpectantly lose much or all of their interest in sex. Depression often happens when your hormones and neurotransmitters go haywire, which also has a big impact on your other systems like libido. This could also look like a desire for sex, but physical incapability to enjoy it (including not being able to orgasm).
6. YOU’VE LOST INTEREST IN THINGS YOU ENJOY
Other than sex, since we already covered that!
Much like being constantly fatigued, not wanting to do the stuff you find fun is a daily red flag. Doing fun things makes us feel good, but it can be hard to do fun things when we already feel bad. What happens when the fun things don’t make us feel good, anymore? This starts a cycle of feeling bad, losing joy in the things we used to love, and then feeling even worse. The spiral from sad to depressed to even deeper is a tough thing to recognize and fight against.
7. YOU’RE HAVING SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
When you spiral far enough, lose enough hope, and can’t fill in the gaps your happy feelings left behind, sometimes drastic measures start to seem … reasonable. To be clear:
SUICIDE. IS. NOT. REASONABLE.
Thoughts of hurting or killing yourself are a serious sign that something bad is happening to you. They are not a sign that you are broken or less than others. They are your brain’s way of telling you that you need help dealing with things in a healthy way. A way that keeps you around to experience joy once you get a handle on things.
You deserve joy, dear reader. We all do.
And here are…
3 Hard Truths About Depression we All Need to Know
1. YOU CAN’T SIMPLY GET OVER IT
Depression is not a matter of “getting over it” or “just choosing to be happy”. If you are, or have been, depressed then the chances are you’ve heard stuff like that before. “Just do something fun, what’s the problem?”
Counselors help their clients make plans for everything from breakfast to vacation, then create a plan to stick to the plan, then another plan to stay accountable for sticking to the plan, and another plan for what to do when the first several plans don’t go well, and then another plan after that just in case.
Depression is complicated, deeply rooted, and incredibly dangerous when not addressed in the right way. Would you tell someone with cancer to “just get over it”? Not if you were a decent person, you wouldn’t.
2. DEPRESSION IS NOT SADNESS
When a certain show related to the ownership of An Important Pointy Chair ended, I was sad because the show was great and the ending was terrible. When I was a kid at the beach and dropped my ice cream in the sand, I was sad. Sadness is a feeling of unhappiness that is usually fleeting and temporary.
Depression is pervasive. Depression is invasive. Depression is long-lasting. Depression is complex and impacts everything in your life. Depression is Disease.
When you’re sad, you might not want to do stuff but you still can. You can function, you can laugh, and you can move on with the things you need or want to do that day. They might not feel as great as usual, but that’s because you’re sad. Puppies are still adorable and sadness passes over a relatively short amount of time.
When you’re depressed, you might want to do something desperately, but you can’t. You can’t function at the same level, or sometimes any level. Everything is too much. Every action is too much effort and every thought is more proof that things are terrible. Puppies are worthless and depression sticks around for the long haul.
3. DEPRESSION IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE
Finally, not everyone has all the symptoms. Not everyone shows depression in the same way. There are as many ways to express depression as there are people suffering from it in the world. The signs we covered are the most common and, in some cases, the most severe, but they are not the only things that might point in that direction.
If you fear that you or a loved one might be depressed, make an appointment with one of the skilled, professional counselors at Village Counseling.
Tell them what you feel and think, and let them help you forward. Best case scenario? You’re okay and now you know. Worst case? You’re not fine and now you have help. You literally can’t lose, unless you do nothing.